Get Real!

When I was younger I would usually not write about serious things. It is because I'd usually sweep the real issue under the mat and try to turn things around with humor. I'd hide behind poor jokes, sarcasm and punning.

And then I started to wonder why..

Acceptance?

The need to be accepted by everyone around you, to come across as this unbeatable, strong person no one can touch. Bad ass... savage... but also the person anyone would go to for help, advice, a laugh!

This facade is not sustainable. It is only a matter of time when it will all starts becoming a burden on your mind. This burden will take over your life. It will affect your relationships with people... but more so, with yourself. 


So what was the answer?

Acceptance!

Acceptance of yourself,  acceptance of your vulnerabilities, acceptance of wearing your heart on your sleeve. To feel fully, to love deeply, to speak truthfully and climb out of the cave of humor and sarcasm.

And when you accept yourself and your vulnerabilities completely, someone else's acceptance stops mattering. It turns into "take it or leave it". The most amazing part about this, is that as soon as you open up... acceptance comes through...

acceptance that is strong,
acceptance that is indestructible,
acceptance that is..... resilient!

(living in the new now.... Here's the audio for them audible-ers !)

2016: The year that was

You know you have had a good year when you have so many things to talk about, brag about, think about and be humbled about. 
[WARNING: this is a long one, and it's mostly for myself ;) ]

2016 was the year of revelation, growth, broadened perspective, gratitude and self-love.

2015 ended at a hi/low, (best left to individual speculation) as it marked the (legal) end of my 5 year old marriage and 8 year relationship.

I knew I had to make 2016 better, having found the newly acquired independence and single-hood. (I still wish it would work more like an undo button rather than starting afresh on a new-found marital status.) Nevertheless, I was a new me, and I LOVED it.

Family Time 

With the cousins 

I'm glad 2016 began with being surrounded by family and and making peace with the fact that there are way more people who love me than the opposite. My eldest cousin got married and we had an absolute blast at the reception. I am so glad I made it.

Shared a drink with my granddad on new year's for the 1st time ever. (Happy to have been finally accepted as an adult *wink*)

Trying new things in Feb, like camping in tents with my colleagues. I can't say I loved it. It was an experience and I shall leave it at that.

Decoupage with the sis

And it's always so much fun when I get to do DIY projects with the sister, because no one else get's my ideas otherwise without me having to explicitly explain them. She as good as lives in my head.






And then began the travel......

Bratislava! You beauty.

5 weeks and I was in love, with the city, with the place, with Europe in totality. There are many things I am grateful for, and having the opportunity to travel for work is definitely the top of the charts. (2015 gave me Costa Rica and Philippines) 2016 leveled up, like a boss! I could go on an on about how much I loved it there, specially because of the friends I made and the experiences I had.

Travel for me is never about sight-seeing and I dont understand why a large proportion of people dont get it. I feel way more satisfied when I make connection, be it food or people or places. How a place actually looks hardly matters.

Bratislava gave me my FIRST ever snowfall experience and I can never forget that. There is so much more to that I am so humbled by, I could write an entire new blog on Bratislava. (But I'll stop)

SNOW <3

Vienna! The Majestic masterpiece

I'm so glad I took this day trip. I would've never had, if  it were not for Helena. Easter market, Summer Palace and the Zoo. OMG The Zoo. I saw penguins and polar bears for the 1st time and I was as thrilled as a the 3 year old standing next to me looking at them do their thing. (not at all ashamed)

Summer Palace

Budapest! Fuzzy City

The much awaited weekend trip to the city of ruin bars and streets filled with the warmth of the people in it. It was amazing, how as soon as I entered the city, I felt welcome and comfortable and relaxed. Our AirBnB house was perfect,

Ruin bar: We're ready for you!

next stop.... Seattle!

Oh Seattle! You're like that toy I really want but I don't want to have you for a lifetime. This trip was different though. It was not 'for' work, but for 'the work' that I had put in. It was gesture of recognizing hard work and I was truly humbled by it.

Orange is the new Black

I could go on an on and on about .... San Francisco! 

The best gift I have ever given myself , is the weekend trip to San Fran. (inset swear words) It was brilliant. I wanted to stay back so bad! I would go back there at the drop of a hat. (no questions asked)

Union Square

It was time to come back home.... and go to.. Wayanad, Kerela.

I owed a holiday to my BFF (and could have probably been BF if not for her gender). So much beauty in India and I am so glad I can do justice by exploring my own country too.This place marked another 1st in my life, when I trekked 6000+ ft to the heart lake. But more than that, I found new layers to relationships that i swept under the carpet.  

On-journey of emotional enlightenment : I wrote about it, because I had to. 

Heart Lake at 6000+ feet

Sammy's Visit!

Having friends visit is always great, but it is even greater when it is you brain twin. Having friends like her reminds me to be myself, shed the layers of diplomacy, laugh more and just "live" a whole lot more. 

go to hell fairness creams!

Lavasa! India's take on Europe. (and we nailed it)

Office trips are never boring, specially not when you play childhood games like 'dog and the bone' and 'help help' while running in the rain. 

"other" Visits! 

and we will leave it at that. *wink*

then came the birthday month.........

GOA! hell yeah! 

Never thought I will ever celebrate my birthday in Goa, but it happened. Family, food, beaches, shopping! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!  

sea-foodgams

Sapporo, Japan! The people, the food, the gadgets and so much more.

I could write a whole blog only one food I had there. OMG! Brilliant! If I ever go back there, would be to eat some more. The birthday month was only getting better and better. 

There's no much more to Japan than Sushi. Yet, here I am.


Delhi! Family, festivals, more food, shopping and "the other"

Meeting cousins in Delhi is like therapy. It's just great that you can have logical conversations without having to explain yourself. And just the feeling of sitting around people who are genuinely happy for you and your achievements is so humbling in it self. 

Star of the holiday!

Let's end this year with a Bang! 

Mumbai! I will always love you!  

So glad I made it. Friends, buddies, my go-to peeps. Life gives you a lot. It's up to you to cherish and recognize the value of what you have. Mumbai gave me a lot of things. My friends are the most precious of all of them.  

Mumbai weddings! enough said


Jamshedpur, Ranchi, Kolkata! 

What a trip that was, from train journeys, to overnight hotel stays, party nights, emergency exits and what not. The most ad-hoc planned journey ever. Thanks to dear sister. lol! 

Did someone say free breakfast!  


I thank god for every person who has come into my life and stuck to me like glue. There are a handful of people who I am absolutely grateful for. They are the like pillar to my ever growing creeper (plant) abilities. Always there to break my fall when I need them. 

[P.S. I also bought an apartment :p ] 

You've been good 2016!! really good! It will be hard to match up with you. But I'm going to keep trying.  :) 













  

on a journey of emotional enlightenment!

When do we know that we have completely accepted something?

Do we ever move on from broken relationships, sour friendships, cheating partners or hurtful colleagues?

I believed that I had moved on pretty well from my divorce. I believed that I had put everything in the past away and nothing could come back and haunt me or effect me anymore. I

I was wrong!

I recently went on a holiday to a state that my in-laws belong to. There was no hidden agenda, it's just a really beautiful place and it did not make any sense to leave it out of the radar just because you have broken relationships with people who belong from there. Also, I had moved on remember! So it did not matter whether it had any strings attached to broken guitars (relationships).

The 1st day I arrived there, we went on our site seeing and were starving by the time we got back. We decided to get some lunch at a local place that was serving lunch meals. We were short on cash, but the owner was a really sweet lady who agreed to serve us even though we didn't have enough cash to pay her. The gesture was heart warming. The food arrived with some rice and 3 different curries, fish, etc.

I ate the 1st bite of food and almost instantaneously tears started pouring out of my eyes. The next moment I found myself sobbing. My friend was a bit shocked and perplexed to see what was happening.

Why was I crying? What brought the tears? It was the food. The food was exactly the way my mom-in-law used to make it. I loved her cooking. I loved her, more importantly. And that day I learned something new. That I still love her.

My friend made this statement which I realised was the ultimate truth. She said "you've moved on from husband, but not from your mum-in-law. You still love her." It took me a while to process what she had said, but it was true. It was really hard to break ties with her just because I wasn't her daughter-in-law anymore. It was confusing for her and I didn't want to be the reason for her misery.  

I realised that we never really, completely accept the truth and move on. Some parts of a relationship still remain in our sub-conscious and there could be any sort of a trigger that could jog your memory and bring it all back.

But, I am glad I made that trip. Apart from being a really nice place for site seeing, it turned out to be a journey of emotional enlightenment. It was a journey of accepting the new truth. A hard truth. But truth nevertheless.

"Tell" me about it!

I don’t remember there ever being a time when I have been absolutely sure of myself…

I suddenly realize this when "he" tells me that my life is all about reassurance… and then I start reviewing it… and remembering... And thinking...

May be he is right… when I do something.. I need someone  to tell me it was good or awesome…  I look for comments because I don’t believe that it was good enough on my own…

It's quite contradicting because I am always so confident about what I do… and I know that I am good...

So why is it that I need someone to tell me something that I already know…

When is someone ready? Ready to say that YES  this is the right thing to do… I know it and I own  it… and I don’t need anyone to tell me that. Am I ready? Do I know what I want anymore…

I know.. I wanted a family... I know I also want a career... But which one do I want more?

I guess I will never have it all figured out… and I'll go with what I get more of... But the question I keep asking myself is... Is it making me happy?

At all?

Why online check-ins ruined my love life

Why online check-ins ruined my love life...

I was recently on a really long flight back home. Travelling back to Bangalore, India from San Jose, Costa Rica. There were 3 flights in total; San Jose to Miami- 3 hours, Miami to Doha (longest leg of the travel) – 15 hours and Doha to Bangalore -4 hours.  And like any other normal person I wished I get to sit next to someone interesting. Maybe chat a little bit, flirt or just gawk even. (If you do not wish this secretly while travelling alone on a flight, you are too normal. Please stop reading this blog because it is meant only for people with a certain level of abnormalities).

Before my travel, I met this old friend of mine who announced his engagement and was extremely excited. As an (acting) good friend, I felt obliged to act as excited as he was and congratulate him. But it didn’t seem good enough. So I continued my (fake) excitement and asked him how they met. It felt like he was ready with not only the answer to my question but also a much practiced one. It had a story, a plot with jokes, drama, fear- the whole deal. Phew!

In a jist, he said they met on a flight while he was travelling from Bangalore to Chennai and they hit it off immediately. I stood there is shock and awe because “that” flight is 50 mins long… or short… or long.. Whatever! Moving on.... How on earth did he even start a conversation, leave alone find love on that flight?

I went back home feeling happy for my friend and feeling jealous about the fact that I have never met/ found/ seen/or even sensed anyone remotely interesting sitting beside me on a flight. It was time to do what Amazonians do best “Deep Dive” (I’m not kidding about this, it’s on a public website)

And what other great time to do that deep dive, than being on a ridiculously long flight yourself. So it began. 3 flights from Bangalore to San Jose and not one... I repeat... not ONE single interesting person sitting beside me. I was visibly upset. If it could happen to my friend, why not me? WHY GOD, WHY?

Then it was time to come back from San Jose and it was on my last leg of travel that it struck me, that it’s the bloody online check-ins that are to blame. Let me tell you how. So, I am obviously a certain level of internet savvy and I know that checking in online will not only help me land a window seat but also considerably decrease my standing in queue time at the airport. It’s an intelligent thing to do. Period.

What struck me later, is that if I ever have to find someone who I will be able to have a decent conversation with, will need to be at the same or higher level of internet savvy-ness and will do exactly what I do. Check-in online. So, if I find a guy sitting on the center seat (no matter how good looking he is) I’m immediately going to judge his savvy-ness.

And there I had it, the conclusion to the question I asked myself. That why I have never met/ found/ seen/or even sensed anyone remotely interesting sitting beside me on a flight.

Thank you online check-in, you ruined my love life! 

"OMG!! What do I do now?"

If this were 2010, I would have reacted to that very differently.

So what has changed now?  

I don’t believe that I have changed as a person, but I do know (for a fact) that there are a few people who have made an immense impression on me and the way I would think / react to situations.

A few years back when I had problems, I'd approach a lady to find solutions. To my surprise, post that conversation I'd come out smiling about the fact that I already had the solutions ready in my head. The ease with she could do this was amazing.

Each and every conversation (I mean it when I say each). Even if it was for 30 seconds, I learnt something from her.

One person whose facilitation skills are un-parallel to anyone I know.The one lady who made an impression to last a lifetime.

Sarita Gadgil: I truly, deeply miss my conversations with you.

if u want to get somewhere... Start walking

Its strange how people want things / opportunities / growth to fall in their laps without even bothering to work towards them.
What I'm going to share is my personal opinion. n if someone has another.. *thumbs up* to you.

I mean seriously!
I think is extremely kiddish to blame your luck for things that you haven't achieved.

In my opinion u didn't want it bad enough! Because dreams are like being obsessed with something or someone.
Think about it when u eat sleep drink walk lie.... Just don't let it leave your thoughts....
be obsessed!
There is no such thing as bad luck!